i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
