no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
