dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
