I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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