she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
