And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
