$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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