i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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