I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am never drinking with the goths again.