Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
too bad burritos don't cuddle back