She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
