My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.