Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
