i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.