Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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