You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.