Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
