how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
