then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
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Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Couch. On fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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