She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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