Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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