Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
