rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
