Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
