And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
