one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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