Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
