Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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