Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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