Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
