I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
