THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
