see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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