Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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