If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
