i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
