she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sext me about skeletons
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