he thought i was a dude.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
