Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
