Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
MIDGETS
????
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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