So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
