Ketchup is God's man juice
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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