Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
