He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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