It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
