A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
