Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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