I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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