Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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