Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
