why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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