The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
