Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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