see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
