my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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