He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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