So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
