i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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