Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she looked like the before picture.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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