i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
