Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
