a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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