a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
