Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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