your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
