dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
