You're so nebulous sometimes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
