it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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