I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was like eating out sand paper
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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