How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
