she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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