he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
