My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In America we eat man semen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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