my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
