forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
