So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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