did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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