HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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