im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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