You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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