I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
