ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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