you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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